Like The Wind

I walked into a convenient store and bought some po-tay-to chips and a ba-na-na. Then I went to the beverage aisle and tried to buy a drink that had a pretty picture of blue-berries. There were words on the label. Organic, something. This wording was written at a 9.5th grade reading level. Way too high. They've been trying to raise the bar on us. There were unfortunate phrases like "your health means more to you than..." and on and on about "anti-ox-idents... cardio-vascular... free-radicals..." All too complex. So I bought me some milk. The copy on the label was written at an 8th grade level. I was happy. I went home and turned on the telly. The President was giving a speech. It was written at a 10th grade reading level. Wow. 10th grade was such a long time ago for me, so I failed to connect with the material. At least that's what the experts will say tomorrow. Then my phone rang. "Hullo?" I answered. "Dr. Spires! It's incredible!" said a voice. "I'm not Dr. Spires. You have the wrong number," I said but the voice marched on. "We're all at the lab!" I put the phone to my good ear, curious now. "Slow down," I said. "What's going on?" I asked. I could hear the others in the background cheering. "It's mind boggling! But we've done it. Mr. Pitts..." He trailed off. "Who's Mr. Pitts?" I asked. "The ape we've been messing with at the lab! Mr. Pitts!" I paused and then said "Oh, right. I thought you said something else. What about Mr. Pitts?" I asked. "He's... He's typing!" the man on the line answered. "He's writing! He's writing really well! He went off on modern poetry and now he's writing a book of poems called The Darkening Ecliptic." My heart skipped a beat. "What..." I said softly, bracing myself against the wall. "What... grade level is he writing at?" More cheers erupted in the background. I heard a champagne cork pop. "12th grade. Maybe even college level! Get over here as soon as you can!" And then he hung up. Last week, on TV, an elephant painted the entire American alphabet as well as its punctuation marks. Now this. I was going to call back, but I didn't have the number to that lab. So I sat there and tried real hard to grasp what the President was saying. But those words – they slipped past me like the wind.