Diagnostics

Stanton looked deeply into the tunnel of light. It's rays flickered, vanished and a white, puffy face with dark brows came into view. "Well," said Dr. Ling, setting down the opthamlmoscope, "I have some good news, and some bad news." He sat back in his chair and picked up his clipboard. "Let's go with the good news first," said Stanton. "Okay then," said Dr. Ling, "You're not going blind. Your vision is fine. You should still get a more detailed eye exam but as far as I can see, there is nothing wrong with your eyebrows." Dr. Ling leaned forward in his chair and brushed some lint off his knee. "That's a relief," said Stanton. "You have no idea. Now what's the bad news?" Dr. Ling puffed his cheeks, pursed his lips and blew. His face inflated like a life raft. "Well," he began. "You have something incurable. It's a strange disease. I'm afraid it's serious." "Tell me," demanded Stanton. He knew it, he just knew it. "Give it to me, Doc. Pull no punches. To hell with bedside manner, to hell with it all." Dr. Ling nodded. "Very well." He clicked his pen, placed it into his pocket protector and swung his calve over his knee. "Well, it's called being-a-dickhead..." he began...